I considered myself a pretty normal teenager if perhaps a
little nerdy. I wasn’t into team sports but I enjoyed Physical
Education and running. On the academic side, I made good grades and
was an honor student my freshman year of high school. The one
extracurricular activity I enjoyed was the debating team. I was one of
only two freshmen who made the team.
Girls seldom found me interesting unless they were having trouble with
their homework so my social life was pretty close to zero. I was
driven by all the demons that prompt teenage boys to seek female
company but I found most girls my age tedious and they thought I was
some kind of geek. The conversational subjects that interested them
was a foreign language to me so after a few minutes I ran out of
things to say in response to their chatter. How was I ever going to
make the big connection with a girl when I couldn’t hold her interest
for more than a few minutes? The only way I made the big connection
was in the bathroom alone with a worn copy of an adult magazine my Dad
had forgotten when he moved out.
My parents began having problems several years ago. Dad wanted Mom to
be his maid and bed partner while she wanted to go back to school and
finish her education. When she started adult education Dad began to
find fault with everything she did. His verbal abuse became
increasingly more strident over the last couple of years of their
marriage. Under his constant verbal assault Mom distanced herself from
Dad and turned to me for comfort.
The only time Dad paid any attention to me was when he could use me as
a tool to fashion an argument to hurl at Mom. My most vivid
remembrances of him are his failed attempts to teach me basketball. I
found it boring to stand outside and shoot basket after basket
practicing for a game I considered pointless. After a practice session
of indifferent performance on my part he would pick a fight with Mom
and berate her for mothering a sissy. My intellectual accomplishments
never impressed him. I always stood near the head of my class but I
think he would have been happier if I was failing classes and learned
to swish ten straight foul shots.
Dad’s abuse and growing differences between them caused my parent’s
marriage to unravel and a couple of years ago they divorced. The
catalyst that brought the final break between them was Mom’s
relationship with me. Dad’s unreasonableness had driven us closer and
closer together for mutual support and this closeness infuriated him.
After a particularly vicious fight he discovered Mom and I holding
each other and crying together over the pain he had caused. He called
us names I couldn’t understand and stormed out of the house. The next
day Mom went to see a lawyer.
After the divorce Mom had a tough struggle to make ends meet
financially but with two jobs and hard work she kept the mortgage
payment up and put food on the table. Dad was sporadic with his child
support so there were times when beans and pasta were the main entrees
on our menu.
I did what I could to make Mom’s life a little easier. I became a fair
housekeeper and basic cook. I took pride in laundry that didn’t have
“ring around the collar.” That first year I was the chief cook and
bottle washer around the house while Mom put in sixteen hour days
Monday through Fridays and worked eight to ten hours on Saturdays just
to make ends meet.
Sunday was our day together. We spent the morning cleaning the house
to Mom’s expectations and then went grocery shopping. After lunch we
would just lounge around and rest. This was the time when we discussed
whatever was on our minds and no subject was taboo; whatever affected
our lives we openly discussed. Strange, I had no trouble talking to
Mom but couldn’t carry on a conversation with a teenage girl.
Mom had always been physically affectionate with me; showering me with
hugs and kisses since I could remember but when she and Dad began to
have problems I became the outlet for all her affection. She liked to
be surprised with a spontaneous hug from me when her back was turned.
I would sneak up behind her and put my arms around her in a bear hug
and laugh at her mock protests and struggles to get away from me. As I
released her she would give me a kiss and I could see a happy sparkle
in her eyes.
Sunday evenings were usually spent watching TV with a rare evening out
to the movies with a stop for burgers. We shared a passion for big
sloppy cheeseburgers. When we ate at a fast food restaurant we would
tease each other about having mustard on our faces and wipe the
other’s face with a napkin. In the movies, we often held hands
communicating with little squeezes. If we spent the evening at home we
would sit on the sofa and I would put an affectionate arm around Mom
and she would sit snuggled up beside me resting her head on my
shoulder. Sometimes I would lay down and put my head in her lap and
she would toy with my hair as we watched TV. We both loved these
moments of intimacy and there had never been any sexual overtones. We
enjoyed physical affection and I knew I was her surrogate for a
husband in every respect but one.
Mom began to get promotions on her day job and as she moved up and her
salary increased she quit the extra job to spend more time at home
with me. The pattern that had developed earlier continued with the
rough and ready hugs and evenings spent together watching TV or
reading. I would have thought it unusual if Mom sat down at the
opposite end of the sofa instead of flopping down beside me and giving
me a playful hug.
Our affection for each other remained unchanged with one exception.
Last winter I gave Mom one of my bear hugs from behind and as I held
her close I began to get sexually excited. She noticed my condition
and gave me a playful little bump with her behind as she spun away
from me and said, “I can see you old Mom still has it; I’m going to
have to wear a chastity belt around you from now on.” She was laughing
at my obvious embarrassment. “Don’t be embarrassed Paul I consider
that a compliment.”, she said and gave me a quick kiss.
The same thing happened every time I hugged her from behind. She never
got upset; she simply accepted it and I began to hold her longer and
longer enjoying the erotic feelings of her soft bottom pressed
intimately against me. She often joked about her need of a chastity
belt and would usually give me a playful little bump with her bottom
as she moved away.
One morning after a shower I came into the kitchen wearing only my
pajama bottoms with no jockey shorts and walked up behind her and gave
her a hug. As predictable as sunrise I got an immediate erection. When
Mom moved for some reason or the other my penis slipped between her
legs and pressed upwards against the softness of her crotch. For just
and instant she squeezed my erection between her thighs and sagged
into me. In the few seconds we stood like this I was transported to a
new erotic heaven but she quickly recovered and moved away from me. I
noticed that she was breathing heavily and her face was flushed.
“Paul, I think we had better stop this before it gets out of hand.
You’re getting too big to hug your Mom that way. OK?”
“I guess you’re right Mom; I’m sorry it was an accident.”, I replied.
“I know it was; let’s just forget it.”
After that morning there was subtle change in our relationship; Mom
was a little distant and wary and I always made sure when I hugged her
to keep a little space between us. Not touching her, I discovered, was
more erotic than touching.
School was out and I finished my freshman year with honors. Mom was
proud of my hard work and as a reward promised to take me on a
vacation later in the summer. We had spent every summer at home for
the past few years and the thought of a vacation was an exciting
prospect.
Mom’s brother and his wife owned a cabin beside a mountain lake and
invited us to spend a couple of weeks with them. That fitted in with
our vacation plans and after a short consultation Mom accepted. Free
room and board on vacation was an offer too good to pass up.
Uncle Ben and Aunt Pat were usually a straight-laced couple but alone
in the mountains they were two different people. The first time I
called Uncle Ben “Uncle” he let me know that I was old enough to call
him Ben and Aunt Pat, Pat. My experience with Dad had left me a little
wary of adult males but Ben’s open and friendly manner soon put me at
ease. He laughed and joked easily about everyone and everything.
Pat and Ben showed us the cabin on the way to our room and explained
as they led us to a bedroom on one side of the cabin. It was laid out
railroad style with three rooms laid out in a row. There were two
bedrooms on either side of a large common room that served as a
kitchen, dining, and living room combination. There was a single
bathroom off the common room. The cabin was so remote there were no
utilities.
A diesel generator provided electricity. Water was piped
down from a spring high on the side of the mountain and gravity
provided enough pressure for the taps and shower. The water heater,
space heater, clothes dryer, and cooking stove used propane from a
large tank behind the cabin. The cabin had all the comforts except
telephone and TV. The only way to find out about the outside world was
an old AM portable radio. A huge fireplace dominated one side of the
main room. This was a place to rusticate in comfort without the
outside intrusions.
Mom and I would share a bedroom with a large double bed. I had never
in memory slept with anyone and now I was going to share a bed with
Mom. Secretly I welcomed my bedmate and an erotic fantasy or two
flitted across my mind.
After depositing our bags in the bedroom we joined Ben and Pat for a
walking tour of the area. There were mostly woods and mountains behind
the cabin and there was a dock with two canoes in front by the lake.
Ben assured me that the swimming and fishing were great. He asked if I
would like to learn how to fly cast and how to use a canoe. Not having
a father around had left me deficient in the male oriented activities
so I readily agreed. I would have agreed to anything except
basketball.
After the tour the sun was low in the sky so we want back to the
cabin. The women prepared dinner while Ben and I talked on the porch.
He told me about rods, flies, and the art of casting. I had never seen
Ben as voluble this and I listened to his words in rapt attention. I
felt like an adult in his presence despite my fourteen years.
Later, after dinner, we all sat on the porch and the adults caught up
on the family history; who did what to whom. I grew sleepy and excused
myself. Bed seemed more inviting than boring talk about old times. I
fell asleep as soon as my head found the pillow.
When Mom came in our room she tried to get ready for bed in the dark
without awakening me but as she was undressing she accidentally
tripped over something and made enough noise to interrupt my sleep.
“Mom is that you?”, I asked.
“Yes, I was trying to be quiet and let you sleep. I guess I failed at
that.”, she laughed.
Her laugh sounded a little too loud and lasted a moment too long. She
seemed to be a little tipsy. “You OK Mom?”, I asked.
“Yeah, I guess so. Your old mother has had a beer or two more than she
should have. Do you have the bed warm? Its cold up here at night.”
With that she slid in bed beside me and put her cold feet against my
bare legs. Reflexively I pulled away from her icy feet only to have
her find my warm legs and put her feet on me again. We played a little
game of dodge the cold feet amid our giggles and laughter. She
snuggled her chilled body next to me to get warm and I hugged her
close, spoon fashion, letting my body warm her back. That presented a
problem, the same problem we had earlier and without fail my erection
pressed against Mom’s bottom. She didn’t move away so I lay quietly
enjoying the intimate contact.
After a few moments Mom said, “Roll over and let me warm my other
side.” When I did she snuggled up to my back. When she got
comfortable she said, “I guess I am going to have to get my chastity
belt out again and wear it to bed.”, with a little laugh.
“I can’t help it Mom.”, I apologized.
“I know that, forget it and go back to sleep.”, she said as she gave
me a playful hug.
I could feel her soft breasts pressed against my back and her soft
tummy against my butt. That hardly gave me an incentive to sleep.
After a few minutes her side of the bed warmed up and she turned her
back to me and was soon lightly snoring. I lay awake for a while
thinking of the softness that had been pressed against my back.
Eventually I dropped off and slept soundly until Ben knocked on our
door and said, “Time to get up and catch some fish.”
“We’re awake.”, Mom answered and got out of bed and looked for her
robe. I was lying on my back and the blanket was tented over my
middle, my usual erect state when I first woke up. Mom noticed and
said, “I was right about that chastity belt.” With a chuckle she left
for the bathroom.
Breakfast was a cooperative affair and afterward Ben gave me my first
fly fishing lesson. I managed to tangle my line in every tree and bush
within reach. After a lot of practice I managed to lay my line out
reasonably straight most times. Where it went was another matter.
Satisfied that I could at least cast without catching a “tree fish”
Ben led me to a little place about a quarter of a mile from the cabin
and we began to fish in earnest. Ben caught a nice string of trout and
I managed to hook a couple that got away.
We had fresh trout for lunch and afterward Ben and I went out on the
lake canoeing. I learned the basics quickly and when we returned to
the dock Ben let me go out solo. Mom and Pat came down to the dock and
watched as I paddled around while Ben shouted instructions from the
shore. When I paddled back to the dock I could see the pride written
all over Mom’s face. It felt good when I did something that pleased
her.
Ben suggested a swim and we went back to the cabin and put on bathing
suits. The water was deep enough to dive off the dock and the bottom
was sandy with no rocks or stumps to stub a toe. We swam for a while
and Ben gave me lessons on how to right an overturned canoe and get
back aboard from the water. Satisfied that I was reasonably competent
he told me that I could go out alone whenever I wanted and suggested
that I take Mom for a ride. I happily paddled around with Mom in the
front watching me show off my new skills. Looking at her in a wet
bathing suit gave me a new perspective; she was a very pretty woman.
That night after dinner we sat on the porch again just talking. Mom
and I sat on an old wicker love seat across from Ben and Pat. The moon
cast a long silvery trail across the lake and we could hear crickets
chirp around the cabin. Occasionally a bullfrog would let out a basso
profundo GRRRRUMMPPP from somewhere on the lake.
I had thought I would miss my friends at home but everything about the
mountains, the cabin, and the lake was so new and fresh I hardly had
time to think about them. My uncle and aunt’s matter of fact attitude
included me in their circle and I had warmed to them immediately.
Trying to merit their approval, I listened a lot and answered
carefully when I was asked a direct question.
“Evelyn have you thought about dating again? It’s been two years or
more since your divorce.”, Aunt Pat asked.
Mom was silent for a moment or two before she replied, “I’ve been so
busy up until the last few months just trying to make ends meet I
haven’t had time to think about dating.”
“Perhaps you should. You are still young and attractive.”, Pat
observed.
“Most of the men I meet are either married or aren’t interested in
playing the long game with a divorcee who has a teenage son. I think
I’ll pass for now.”
“Maybe Ben knows someone that might interest you.”
“Pat please don’t start trying to be a matchmaker for me. Right now
I’m content with my life just as it is and Paul provides all the male
companionship I need.”, Mom said with a finality that surprised me. To
accentuate her point she gave me a powerful hug and held me close
beside her.
There was a long silence as everyone took the time to take a sip of
their drink and collect their thoughts. I could barely make out Pat’s
face in the moonlight but she seemed to be embarrassed by the turn of
the conversation. Ben swirled the drink in his glass making tinkling
sounds with the ice cubes as he looked out over the lake. Mom shifted
her position and moved even closer to me as if to reassure herself
that I was still there. I was puffed up and proud of my mother’s
attachment and loyalty.
After a few minutes Mom said as an apology, “Pat, I’m sorry. I didn’t
mean to be so short with you. It’s just after what I’ve been through
with the divorce and the events that led up to it that I’m not ready
to consider a relationship right now. Paul needs my undivided
attention for a while longer. Perhaps in a few years I’ll consider
someone but Paul and I just cast an ogre out of our lives and I won’t
take a chance of bringing another one back. It wouldn’t be fair to
Paul.”
“It’s OK Evelyn. I shouldn’t try to make other people’s lives fit my
views.”, Pat said.
“Sis, I’m sure that Paul is a good companion but there are other
considerations.”, Ben said with a chuckle.
“I can do without those ‘other considerations’ if they include a bossy
male trying to run my life.”, Mom replied and everyone laughed.
The conversation had gone over my head but the tension had dissipated
and everyone resumed discussing the ordinary events of the day.
As the others talked I thought about what had just been said. Mom
still held me close with an arm around my shoulders. My subconscious
mind must
have been working on the meaning of ‘other considerations’.
Like a light coming on in a dark room I understood that Ben had been
talking about Mom’s lack of a sexual partner. I could feel her soft
warm body beside me and unbidden, other thoughts came into my mind. I
drifted into a reverie complemented by the physical sensations of
Mom’s nearness. Before I knew what was happening I was aroused beyond
belief.
My sense of touch became heightened and I explored the sensations with
my mind. Her firm thigh against mine and her soft breast pressed
against my shoulder became the center of my attention. I could feel my
heart beat faster and I couldn’t seem to get enough air. I had to get
away from Mom or go crazy. I hastily excused myself and went to bed.
I lay in bed with sleep the last thing on my mind. My thoughts raged
around and around in circles. This was my Mom and I loved my mother.
She had worked so hard to keep us independent and make a life for us.
After all her sacrifices to make a home for me, I desired her
physically. What was wrong with me? Was I perverted or was this just a
stage everyone went through as they grew up? Would these feelings
pass?
One thing was certain, Mom was the focus of my sexual fantasies.
Visions of Mom and me locked together in an embrace of love chased
through my mind and, try as I might; I couldn’t drive them out. I fell
asleep and dreamed erotic dreams about my mother.
I awakened when Mom came to bed and slid between the sheets. The cold
night air had chilled her and she slid up next to me as she had the
night before. I put my arms around her and hugged her back close to my
chest to get her warm. Again I became aroused but Mom said nothing and
didn’t move away until she warmed up. When she began to turn over I
rolled on my back and she put her head on my shoulder and snuggled up
against my side to get warm. After a moment or two I could feel her
shaking and felt her tears wet my tee shirt.
“What’s the matter Mom?”
When she stopped crying she said, “I was just remembering how bad it
was when your Dad still lived with us. The conversation tonight
dredged up all the old memories. I’m happy now with just the two of
us. Are you happy?”
“Yes, I don’t miss Dad at all. When I think of him all I can remember
is he was always yelling at you.”
“Do you want someone around to be a father for you?”
“No, I’m happy just as we are, do you need someone to be a husband?”
“Not at the moment, I have you to love and give me the affection I
need. Give your old Mom a kiss. It’s been a long time since you kissed
me goodnight.”
I turned to kiss her on the cheek and was surprised to find warm soft
lips pressed against mine. I returned her kiss and after a few
breathless seconds we broke apart and I returned my head to the
pillow. We fell asleep with Mom cuddled up beside me with her head on
my shoulder.
I woke up early and hurried through the cold cabin to the bathroom. I
hurried back to bed and slid between the warm sheets. I snuggled up to
Mom’s back to get warm. She moved to allow us to lie together like two
spoons in a stack.
“Is it cold?”, she asked.
“I almost froze my butt off.”
“I have to go bad, will you warm me up when I get back?”
“It’ll be my pleasure.”, I replied.
Mom jumped out of bed and hurried away. After a few moments she was
back and resumed our spoon position. “You’re lucky, you don’t have to
sit down. My butt is like an icicle.”, Mom remarked.
“I’ll get it warm.” I pressed as close to her as I could with the
usual result.
“Damn, I forgot to put on my chastity belt.”, Mom said with
mischievous giggle.
“He has a mind of his own Mom.”
“I know and it he has certainly thawed my frozen butt.”, she said as
she wiggled to get closer.
My whole attention was focused on my erection pressing into the
softness of Mom’s behind. She was acting strangely different since we
came here. She hadn’t acted or talked like my mother since we had left
the city and at this moment I didn’t feel much like a son. The
wariness that had been between us after that morning months ago in the
kitchen was gone and her actions seemed to invite more intimacy. I
shifted my hips a little to find a more comfortable position and my
erection slipped down pressing into the soft mound between her legs. I
could feel soft yielding flesh through her nightgown and panties. It
was so soft and warm I couldn’t stop myself from pressing deeper
between her legs. She didn’t move away and we both lay there very
quiet and very still.
I had never been this aroused before and when she shifted a little to
find a more comfortable position the slight movement sent me into the
throes of an orgasm. I couldn’t help myself. I pulled her close and
crushed my groin against her bottom as wave after wave of spasms swept
over me. My semen splashed into my shorts and soaked through her
nightgown and panties.
When it was over I didn’t know what to do or say. I was scared that
she would be upset with me, I was afraid to move and afraid not to
move. Finally I rolled over on my back away from her and said, “Oh God
Mom, I’m so sorry but I couldn’t help it. It just happened.” She
didn’t say anything for a long time and my fear and embarrassment grew
with every passing second. What had I done? How would I ever make
things right with my mother again?
Mom turned to face me and gave me a warm kiss. When she broke away she
said, “Paul don’t be embarrassed. I was teasing you and it was
inevitable for this to happen. If anyone should be sorry they’re not
in this room. Give your old Mom a good morning kiss and let’s just
keep this our little secret. OK?”
We kissed again full on the lips and when we came up for air I said,
“I love you Mom.”
“I love you too.”, she said and I could see tears well up in her eyes.
A knock on the door interrupted us as Ben called us for breakfast. Mom
gave me a fierce kiss before she jumped out of bed and began dressing.
As she left the bedroom she turned and said, “Paul I really meant it
when I said I didn’t want a husband.”
There was an old fashioned washstand in our room behind a privacy
screen. On it were a pitcher of water, a soap dish, and a wash basin.
Along the sides were hung towels and washcloths. I got out of bed and
removed my shorts. I walked over to the washstand to clean up before
getting dressed. Mom had left the washcloth she had used lying on the
marble top and I picked it up to hang it on the rod to dry. Mom always
leaves her washcloth lying where she used it, she is a very neat
person usually, and this little idiosyncrasy was one of her few
exceptions. I could smell a faint odor of soap and something else.
I put the washcloth close to my nose and carefully smelled it. Mingled
with the fragrance of the soap was another smell that was very
exciting. I knew the slightly marine odor was the smell of Mom’s sex.
I was becoming aroused again and thought of the earlier events. I
could imagine the softness of her sex pressing against my erection.
Guiltily I felt as if I was violating Mom’s privacy so I put the
washcloth away, quickly washed up, and got dressed.
I picked up yesterday’s clothes and my soiled shorts to put them in
the hamper. As I dropped my clothes I saw Mom’s panties lying on top
of the other things. The crotch was still wet with my semen.
Remembering the smell of the washcloth I picked them up and Mom’s
smell pervaded my senses. As I examined her panties it was apparent
that there was more than my semen in the damp stain. She had been
excited also! Son or not; my presence next to her in bed excited her
just as she excited me. I remembered her parting remark and it took on
new meaning. Was Mom trying to seduce me? I certainly hoped so!
“Breakfast is on the table.”, Ben called out interrupting my train of
thought. I replaced the panties in the hamper and hurried into the
main room. I had some heavy thinking to do later.
After morning greetings everyone sat down to breakfast. Conversation
drifted back and forth about subjects that ranged from distant
relatives to current events. I studied mother across the table and
realized I was looking at her with a new perspective. Before she had
been just Mom and I hadn’t paid much attention to how she looked, she
looked like any mother. Now I noticed the curve of her breasts through
the loose tee shirt, her pretty sparkling eyes, and her strong
attractive face. When she caught my eye and gave me a dazzling smile I
was no longer the obedient son, I became a serious suitor for all she
could offer a man. In the past hour I had become Oedipus. . . .
. . . . Ben’s conversation intruded on my thoughts. “I was just
thinking, I need to go to town and take care of some business and Pat
needs to do some shopping also. You could come with us and stay at our
house or would you two rather stay up here alone for a couple of
days?”, Ben asked.
“I just left
the city and I like it here. What would you like to do
Paul?”, Mom asked.
“Let’s stay here, I’d like to explore the lake.”, I replied.
“That’s settled then.”, Mom said.
“There’s a nice little meadow up the lake on the other side that is a
wonderful place to have a picnic. It has a beautiful waterfall and a
grassy area with a nice view of the lake.”, Pat volunteered. “If you
like, Evelyn, I’ll help you pack a lunch and you can explore with
Paul.”
“What do you think Paul, want your old Mom along on your expedition?”,
Mom asked.
“Every expedition to far and dangerous places has to have a pretty
lady along for the hero to rescue.”, I said joking.
“Evelyn, you have raised a gallant young gentleman, he is going to
break some young girls heart pretty soon.”, Pat said into the
laughter. “Too bad I’m not a few years younger.”
“Are you trying to steal my wife Paul?”, Ben said with a merry twinkle
in his eyes.
“I just want to explore the lake.”, I answered in confusion. I was at
a loss for an intelligent reply to a conversation that had grown a
little risqué.
“Good for you. Don’t let the girls turn your head and tie you up in
knots.”
Pat and Mom began to clean up after breakfast and Ben took me outside
to show me how to operate the generator. He explained how everything
worked and showed me how to start it and shut it down. I would have to
run it for an hour in the morning and again in the evening to keep the
refrigerator and freezer cold or anytime we needed to run an
electrical appliance. Ben explained the cabin’s auxiliary lights
powered by a large battery for lighting when the generator wasn’t
running. The generator would keep it charged so we wouldn’t be in the
dark at night. After a few instructions on the propane tank and water
heater Ben was satisfied I could take care of the place.
When we went back inside the common room was tidied up from breakfast
and two ice chests sat on the table. A bundle wrapped in a plastic
tarp contained a blanket and ground cloth for Mom and I to sit on when
we had lunch. A pair of binoculars in a waterproof case rounded out
our equipment. Ben helped me load the biggest canoe and showed me how
to stow and secure the gear to balance the canoe and keep it from
falling out if we capsized. We climbed aboard; Pat and Ben waved
goodbye as we paddled away.
The canoe was much heavier with two people and all our gear aboard.
Mom kneeled in the front and paddled while I paddled and steered from
the stern. We were rough and ragged at first but after a while got it
together and began to stroke in coordination driving the canoe through
the water like an arrow. When I developed enough coordination,
paddling became a reflex and I could pay more attention to my
surroundings. The view from the middle of the lake was like a picture
postcard. The mountains towered more than a thousand feet above the
lake and had snow on the upper reaches. Trees grew everywhere around
the lake and thinned to bare rock about half way up the mountains. The
sky was a deep blue at this altitude and a few puffy white clouds
drifted above as accents to the blueness of the sky.
“Are you OK Mom?”, I asked concerned that she might be tiring.
“I’m fine, I’m just enjoying the scenery. This place is beautiful
isn’t it?”
“This must have been what it looked like before they built cities and
roads all over.”, I replied.
We paddled on across the lake in silence. I watched Mom from behind
and was again amazed by what a beautiful woman she was. My new eyes
noticed details I had never seen before. While not broad shouldered or
blocky she looked strong and I could see the muscles flex in her back
under her tee shirt as she paddled stroke after stroke. She kept her
dark brown hair short and it had little reddish highlights where the
sun shown through it. She had a narrow waist and her bottom filled out
her jeans nicely.
Thinking back to this morning in bed I wondered how she felt about
what happened. I knew she was aroused and she had perhaps let things
go too far. It had been at least two years since she had slept with my
father and I was reasonably sure she hadn’t had many opportunities to
have sex since the divorce. That was the reason she had become
aroused. Poor Mom, she had given up so much to make a comfortable life
for me. I thought I knew how much she loved me but I was getting a new
insight on a mother’s love. I knew I loved her without reservation.
Uncle Ben’s words had awakened something in Mom that had been asleep
for a long time. She had said it was bad memories of her marriage but
as I examined her words in the bright light of day I didn’t think she
was entirely frank with me. She had cuddled up next to me and slept
beside me like a lover. Her goodnight kiss was lingering and full on
the lips not a quick smack on the cheek as usual. This morning she had
kissed me several times and, on reflection, she had kissed me with
passion like a lover. Were the tears I saw welling up in her eyes
tears of guilt for wanting me as a lover? Events could add up to that
and her parting remark this morning had suggested the same.
How did I feel about this and what was I going to do? There was only
one answer to that, whatever Mom wanted so did I. She had mentioned
last night that she didn’t want to chance bringing an ogre into our
lives. She was a normal healthy woman and needed physical love as much
as the next. If she wanted me to be that lover then so be it. Who
would it hurt? No one outside ourselves would be affected and if we
loved each other how could we be hurt? To be perfectly honest I
desired my mother and on reflection I had desired her for a long time.
Hadn’t our little hugging game had sexual overtones such as Mom joking
about a chastity belt? I would follow her lead and do whatever she
asked.
“Look Paul, there’s a waterfall off to the left. Do you see it?”, Mom
asked interrupting my thoughts.
I looked the direction she was pointing and there was a small
waterfall plunging off the top of a low cliff and disappearing behind
some trees. “I see it, we’ll be there in about a half-hour at this
rate.”, I answered.
We steered directly for the waterfall and were soon grounded on a
pebbly beach beside the little stream that flowed into the lake. Mom
got out and shook the kinks out of her legs while I pulled the canoe
out of the water. It took us a few minutes to loosen up our cramped
leg muscles and when we finally got them working we began to explore
the little stream up to the waterfall.
Mom was in a light and bubbly mood. The usual serious, lets stick to
business, Mom was gone. She seemed as full of fun and mischief as a
young girl. We laughed, we joked, and we teased each other as we
explored the area around the waterfall.
I was seeing a side of my mother that she had rarely shown in the
past. I was given a glimpse of the little girl that remained part of
her and I was discovering that she was a more complex person than I
had imagined. She had been a tough street fighter when battling with
my Dad, a shrewd calculating businesswoman at work, and a devoted
mother on my behalf. Now she was frivolous, she was air headed, she
was a clown, and God, was she fun to be with today. I was falling in
love with my mother all over again.
We spent the day enjoying the natural beauty of our surroundings and
discovering new quirks in the other’s personality. Together in a place
where the only intrusion of civilization was us, we seemed to be
reduced to our elemental character. An Adam and Eve mood settled over
us as we explored and examined nature expressing itself in rampant
freedom before our city bred eyes. The delicate color of a wildflower,
the complexity of a pinecone, or the fluid movement of a squirrel in
the trees all were equally miraculous to us.
Outside events distracted us while unconsciously something fermented
just below awareness. Mom wore no makeup today and I noticed her full
pink lips and wanted to kiss them. Her breasts were only a promise
under the oversize tee shirt and I wanted to touch them. The line of
her tummy curved down between her thighs and the tight jeans only made
the sight more appealing. I wanted to explore the mystery hidden
there. I visualized this woman as a multifaceted jewel. One facet was
my mother, another the person the rest of the world saw, and still
another facet, as yet unpolished, that might be my lover. If she only
knew how much I wanted a new love to blossom between us.
Once I caught her looking at me with a strange light in her eyes. When
she noticed I had seen her studying me she quickly looked away and her
face flushed in embarrassment. What had she been thinking? I thought I
knew but I had no idea how to let her know I was thinking the same
thing. We were two islands isolated by convention and I didn’t have
the experience to bridge the gulf between us. I sensed that Mom;
older, wiser, and with conventions so much more ingrained;
wanted to
reach out to me but couldn’t.
The sun had sunk low in the sky and it was time to cross the lake. I
could see the relief on Mom’s face when I suggested that we go back to
the cabin. The last hour or so an air of tension had risen between us
about things unspoken and it evaporated as we busied ourselves with
loading the canoe.